What I discovered about Chris

In today’s edition of the Great Laziness of 2008 I present this post from the “adorkable” Craig over at Puntabulous. When Craig first asked to be one of my guest posters I was shocked, his blog must get something like  a bajillionity hits a minute so he surely doesn’t need the exposure. Then I thought well maybe he was feeling sorry for me, concerned that no one would take up my offer (I had that concern too!). Once I read his post I understood everything – he’s clinically insane and in love with me (the two are not mutually exclusive you know). If you’re not laughing by the end of this post there’s something wrong with you, seek medical attention immediately!

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Hello there. This is Craig from Puntabulous. I asked Chris if I could  do a guest post on his blog and he (foolishly) agreed, so here I am. But what I didn’t tell him is that the only reason I’m here is so I can expose him for what he really is. But what is he? His posts appear out of a hazy fog of vagueness, so we don’t really know much about him. I’ve decided to take it upon myself to investigate the enigma that is “Chris” and here is what I found:

CHRIS IS OBSESSED WITH MY SEMEN

Now, I know what you’re thinking? “Aren’t we all?” and the answer is of course YES. But Chris is really obsessed with my semen. How did I come (LOL: come) to this conclusion? Read on:

1. His blog layout relies heavily on the color orange. Orange is used to represent Svadisthana: The Sacral Chakra, which governs the reproductive system and sex hormones. Every time I visit his website I get a tingling in my testes and I never knew why until now. It’s all the orange! Clearly he is just trying to get me in the mood.

Now of course, everyone who visits his blog sees the same thing, so how could I say he’s just obsessed with my semen? Well hold your horses, I haven’t gotten to that yet.

2. My blog Puntabulous is on his blogroll. Of course I’m honored to be a member of his prestigious blogroll, but look what category I’m in: Queer. He’s obviously trying to remind me that I’m gay. You know, just a friendly reminder that I’m gay, he’s gay, let’s swap semen.

And yes, there are plenty of gay bloggers in his Queer blogroll, how do I know he’s obsessed with just my semen? Well don’t you worry your pretty little head, I have that covered too. I present you the most damning evidence:

3. His web-address “Emerald City Guy” is an anagram for “Argyle Deity Cum”. Now if you know me and my blog, you know I have a fondness for argyle. I wouldn’t exactly call myself a deity, but I can understand how someone might think of me as the argyle deity of the blogging world. But for Chris to dedicate his entire blog to Argyle Deity Cum? I think it’s pretty obvious that he wants my semen, don’t you?

Well Chris, I’m sorry that I had to find out this way. I’m sure we could have talked this through together and maybe come up with some sort of semen bartering arrangement. But the jig is up. Now everyone knows and there’s no going back. Go ahead, say it: “My name is Chris, and I’m obsessed with Craig’s semen.” There, don’t you feel better?