I don’t know where to find hookers in your city!

Disclaimer ~ Google still sends people my way who are looking for information on hookers – truck stop hookers, hookers in (insert city of choice here) and so on. This post will surely increase that traffic.

I have to admit that I have a MySpace page, I’m not really sure why since I only have nine friends.* I never log in there, so imagine my surprise when I had an email telling me I had a message from someone yesterday. The email said the message was from Yvette, considering that I don’t know anyone on this planet named Yvette I assumed it was another hooker message.** I opened up the MySpace page, had to think for a minute to remember my username and password and finally got logged in.

I opened the extremely important message from Yvette to find that she was not a hooker bot, but the wife of someone I went to high school with that I don’t even remember. She was sending me a message to let me know that my 20th high school reunion is the weekend of the 16th of August. Wow, nothing like planning ahead! I’m gay folks, that weekend has been planned, devoted and on the calendar for a month or two. If you want to find a free weekend on my calendar, especially during the summer or around the holidays, you’re gonna have to hit me up several months in advance. So on that particular weekend I’ll be enjoying good food and good wine with several of my closest friends. A much more desirable evening than sitting around pretending to be interested in the lives of people that I hated 20 years ago.

Othurme summed up my thoughts with his post the other day:

…a party to reconnect with a group of people you have spent the last twenty years distancing yourself from. You realize that everyone you care about from that era, you are already still in contact with and if you aren’t you don’t need more than a phone to reconnect with them, a whole party just seems ridiculous. Especially considering it is a party which, in addition to the 1 or 2 people you can’t figure out how to contact because you’re not willing to pay $34.99 at www.peoplestalker.com to find their current phone number, will be populated by people you hate. You will be sharing an eight foot round table with twelve people you couldn’t stand in high school and the day you were handed your diploma, you took your piece of paper, your cap and gown, and what shred of dignity high school left you with and turned away hoping never to see those fuckers as long as you live. You spent the next twenty years repairing the emotional damage your high school teachers and peers inflicted on you and you swore that if there were ever a reunion you would have no part of it. You think of yourself as being on some higher plane of existence well above those asshole ex-football players turned hospital security guard and their saggy old ex-cheerleader wives turned to younger ex-football players for happiness. You believe you’re better than them despite having turned yourself into the exact thing everyone makes fun of when they go to their reunion, the guy with less hair in the right places, more hair in the wrong places, single, fat, unattractive, and unsuccessful. You realize that your reason for not wishing to attend your reunion is not because you couldn’t care less about the assholes you turned your back on twenty years ago, but because you couldn’t care more about letting them see what you’ve become. And yet despite being fearful of having every single one of the tiles you’ve used over the last twenty years to build back up a small wall of emotional security for yourself crushed to sand, when one of your friends says to you “You have to go!”, you still manage to respond “OK”.

The only difference between us is that I stuck to my guns and didn’t give in and say yes to the torture that is known only as the 20th high school reunion. Good luck Othurme, just remember that there are those of us out here who know that you’re better than all those fuckers!

So in summary, thanks Yvette for showing me that not all women with your name are hookers or bots. For the 30 year reunion you might want to contact people more than two weeks in advance of the event***, though I guarantee that my answer will still be the same — OH HELL NO!

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* ~ my sister in law, the CL, two of Bryan’s sisters, Bryan’s niece, my dearest female friend, and three guys from highschool – yep I’m popular like that!
** ~ yes, I’m so freakin’ popular that the only messages I get on MySpace are from hooker bots who are trying to get in my pants b/c I’m hot like that!
*** ~ not that I’ve made it easy for people to find me, but anyone who really tried could