13 things I’d rather do than attend my 20th high school reunion
Posted by Chris on 3 July, 2008
Once again we find ourselves presented with another bloody Thursday. This can mean only one thing around here, it’s time once again, for another completely inane list of 13 things for the Thursday 13 meme.
Having just finished with an entire month of queer themed lists, I’m ready to talk about something, anything else. I’ve got some great lists in the drafts folder for future weeks that were suggested to me during help a homo week. However, this week I thought I’d take a look at something we can all relate to, high school reunions.
It’s that time of year and my 20th reunion is being held in about six weeks. Once I realized that the dreaded event was looming, 
I issued explicit instructions to my parents. They had two options, they could claim I had perished in a truly gruesome accident or they could just refuse to give my mailing address to anyone who asked them. (Remember small town, many of my classmates were also classmates of my brother and sister or their parents were classmates of my mom.) Apparently they chose one of the options because it’s six weeks out and I still haven’t heard boo about the reunion. My desire is to spend the rest of my life on the “missing classmates” list, it’s a small goal, but completely attainable, I think.
13 things I’d rather do than attend my 20th high school reunion:
- Take a trip to hell – have you been to eastern Oregon in August? It’s about the same temperature but at least the residents of hell would be more interesting than some of my classmates.
- Remove all my body hair by plucking, yes even *that* body hair
- Perform oral activities on Roseanne Barr
- Stand in the middle of a lesbian bar and shout “damn diesel dykes just need a good man!”
- Let the jeebus missionaries in the house next time they stop by
- Have a conversation with GW about anything
- Retake college level statistics and/or calculus
- Clean the mens room at Grand Central Station on my hands and knees
- Go door to door in Seattle asking for donations to McCain’s campaign (Seattle’s just too blue for that to be successful)
- Hold an iron rod in a field during a Midwestern lightening storm
- Be tied to a stake on an anthill while covered in honey
- Ass boil lancer – enough said
- Wash the sheets at a sex club by hand
cajunvegan said
My 20th is next year. That makes me younger than you (I am so rubbing it in.). I am not on the missing classmates list (Thanks to some hometown Junior League sluts and my momma’s Red Hat Society bitches), but they are going to wish I was when I blog all about it.
I must get on the treadmill first.
maggies mind said
I started giggling before I even got to the list. Then I giggled some more. I didn’t go to my 10th, and by my math the 20th must be coming up in a year or two. Wonder if I’ll go… I didn’t even like most of those people when they were young and cute, so I can’t imagine I’ll like them better now. Your 13 list is the highlight of my Thursdays.
Chelle Y. said
Wow! I enjoyed my 20th Reunion (last year), but I had a very small class (11) and we all liked each other.
Chris said
Cajunvegan ~ true revenge would be to blog about all of them and I don’t have enough time for the treadmill to work it’s magic before mine.
Maggie ~ I couldn’t stand most of my classmates then so I doubt I’d like them now. Besides what do we have in common other than 12 years of school?
Chelle ~ wow, yep it would be hard to not like everyone in a class of 11
Michelle said
You are just to funny. Great list. Having a class reunion can’t be that bad. Can it? You’re starting to scare me. My 20 year class reunion is coming up in October too. I just sent my rsvp that I was going. I haven’t been to one yet. My class is using Classmates.com to invite the alumni. Maybe you should check there since you haven’t got an invite yet. I have mixed feelings about going to mine. God, If I could only lose 20 pounds and be the skinny minnie I use to be in high School. LOL!!! Happy TT and I also added you to my blog roll. I love to read your blog. I’ll be back to visit.
The Gal Herself said
I am proud to say that I have never, NEVER attended by high school reunions. I hated it the first time around, I don’t see why I’d enjoy revisiting it now. So I say, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! Stay away. If you go once, you may have to go again. And next time, they’ll put you on a committee! Soon you’ll be decorating the room with crepe paper, buying little loving cups with clever sayings on them … it will never end! Be brave! (And thanks for your kind words on my TT)
Mr Lady said
Can I borrow this list next month, but change it to 15?
John said
So I was talking to Hayley when I was in Yawntario last…
pussreboots said
I went to my 10th but I think that was enough for me.
Jen said
Loved the list even though I went to my 20th (two years ago) and loved every minute of it! I can understand your reasons for not wanting to go, and the fact that it’s in Eastern Oregon in the summertime is reason enough, IMO.
allrileyedup said
I have to admit, I kind of enjoyed my high school reunion. Probably because I was really drunk and don’t remember it. I may not be invited to future ones.
Chris said
Michelle ~ didn’t mean to frighten you, I’m sure it’s not all bad for most people. I don’t want an invite, so I’m not going to go looking for one. Glad you enjoy the blog.
The Gal ~ my point exactly, if I hated them then I’ll still hate them now
Mr Lady ~ feel free!
John ~ if you there’s a quicker way to fulfill your death wish I don’t know what it is. If you really did disclose my true location (which I don’t think you know) I would start looking both ways before you cross dark alleys. Pendelton isn’t that far away…
Pussreboots ~ we went to the bf’s 10th and that was enough of his for us as well
Jen ~ Eastern Oregon is reason enough!
Allrileyedup ~ drunk and unable to remember it is the only way I would enjoy it probably
Melanie said
#3- EWWWWWWWW!!
Funny list, as always.
Chris said
Melanie ~ exactly!
Tink said
*LOL* O yes, I can relate to this list very much…
Thanks for visiting my Belgium TT!
allisonbarton said
Hahaha! 3 and 6 cracked me up the most. Great list.
Happy TT!
Chris said
Tink ~ a lot of people can relate, I’m actually kinda surprised
Allison ~ thanks!
Amanda said
Come on Chris – Ontario isn’t THAT bad!! lol. I had a lot of fun at my 10 year last year. I do have to admit that the wine was free flowing though…
Chris said
Amanda ~ yes it is. You and I had a very different experience in that hellhole
cb said
I totally agree with you about class reunions. But what are so bad about options 8 and 13??
Chris said
Cb ~ careful your freak flag is showing
Payo said
I have never understood the nostalgia people have about their high schools. Most of us went to a public high school that was assigned by zoning. In other words, you and your classmates attended the same school because your parents bought or rented housing in the same district. If your parents had instead bought their home in the next district over, this would have meant you went to a different high school. There was nothing magical about your ending up in the same school with these people, it was just zoning.
For the small percentage who went to private schools or public magnet schools, this choice was generally made by our parents based on religious or academic criteria. Again, nothing magical drew you and the other students at your school together.
So, with this in mind, I have to ask why is there this mystique, this draw to check in with these people, 10, 20, 50 years later?
Chris said
Payo ~ my point exactly… of course there are those of us who grew up in a town so small that there was only one high school for all of us.
Payo said
I grew up in a small-ish town with one high school as well. I think part of my lack of reuniting with my old high school classmates is that it appears that most followed the small-ish town script: go to one the state universities (maybe graduate, maybe not), move back to town or nearby, get married, have three kids, attend the local church, work as a customer service rep at an insurance company. Some had one of the kids before marrying, some got divorced, but the scripts don’t appear to vary much. It seems to me that anyone whose current life I would find exciting would have moved far away from there and would be very busy with that exciting life, and therefore would be less likely to attend the reunion. That could be an incorrect assumption on my part, though.
Anyway, you mentioned that you enjoyed your status on the “missing classmates” list. I used to enjoy that status on the class website as well, but then I learned it was showing up on Google. I asked politely for them to remove it, and they did so. Not sure what this says about me.
Chris said
Payo ~ yep all the interesting folks got the hell out of my small town as well. That script is very familiar and I hear from my parents every so often of many old classmates who have followed it almost to a tee.