13 Ways to Avoid Catching the Gay

Is it still June?  Bloody hell, this is the reason that I don’t usually make long term plans, I lose focus and drift off to something else before the commitment is finished.  Err, June, okay back to the task at hand.  June is Queer Pride Month and in honor of that I’m making all my Thursday 13s this month queer themed.  This week we’ll be taking a look at 13 ways you can avoid catching the gay.  We’re all aware that the gay is highly contagious so I thought it appropriate to list a few ways to protect yourselves.

Need something to do on Thursdays?  Join in the fun and participate in the Thursday 13 meme.  All you need is the ability to count along with 13 random ideas to string together.

13 Ways to Avoid Catching the Gay

1. Never ever match your belt and your shoes.  Brown shoes and a black belt are a bold straight guy fashion statement!
2. If your gal drags you to a play complain all the way to the theater and refuse to enjoy it.
3. Boycott the arts in general, if you have an artistic urge drink beer until it goes away.
4. Belt?  Who needs a stinking belt?
5. When talking to a woman always stare at her boobs because they like that.
6. If you hug another man be sure to pound each other on the back so you don’t look too fruity.
7. Show absolutely no emotions whatsoever unless watching Old Yeller.
8. Don’t stand shoulder to shoulder with another guy at the urinals.  If there’s not room to have one in between you wait, no matter how badly you need to go.
9. Avoid foreplay at all costs, it’s just not manly.
10. Don’t touch another man’s body unless you’re playing sports. Then you may feel free to slap their asses to your hearts content.
11. Scratch and adjust yourself in public often, the more people that see you the straighter you will seem.
12. Once you’ve gotten yours roll over and go to sleep, she knows how to take care of herself.
13. Yell fag at anyone you see who looks even the slightest bit gay or different than you.