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13 gift ideas for the engaged queer couple
Posted by Chris on 29 May, 2008
It’s Thursday and we all know what that means, another inane list for the Thursday 13 meme. I missed last week due to work obligations and just not having enough time to come up with a good list, I swore I wasn’t going to miss this week as well. I, however, make no guarantees that I’ve come up with a good list, I just maintain that it’s a list of 13 things. If you’re feeling left out, and you should by the way, you can head over to the Thursday 13 website and join in on the fun. No really, it’s fun I swear!
Now that the fabric of the universe has been torn asunder and those evil queers can get married in California I’m anticipating some engagement announcements in the near future. Can’t let a momentous occasion go by without a gift! So for the clueless, the uninspired or the just plain lazy I have come up with 13 great gifts to give your favorite engaged queer couple.
- a Wii with a Wii fit ~ they’re going to have to drop some poundage before they can fit into their wedding day attire and we all know that they don’t go to the gym for the workout.
- the bible ~ make sure you highlight the sections you feel are relevant to their particular sinning habits
- a vial of holy water ~ they can sprinkle it on the demons when they come to take them straight to hell, not that it will help much but it’s worth a try
- a gift card to a reprogrammer ~ a little electroshock aversion therapy should cure those nasty same sex urges right up
- 6 months worth of checkups at the STD clinic ~ those after wedding parties are hell on your sexual health
- steam cleaner & industrial carpet cleaner ~ how else do they plan on getting the lube stains from the orgies out of the furniture and carpets
- a dog, horse and pig ~ so that they have something else to marry when they get tired of playing house with each other
- a kilo of coke ~ because can you really ever have too much coke around the house?
- a digital camcorder with tripod ~ they’ve been wanting to film their orgies and post them to XTube, now you’ve given them the tools they need
- a case of Crisco ~ that really is the lube of choice for inserting fists and gerbils into tight areas
- a years supply of Altoids ~ because ass breath is not attractive in anyone
- an appointment with a waxer ~ how else can they fulfill their pedophilliac fantasies but with the removal of all their body hair
- a case of poppers and lube ~ this doesn’t need explanation does it?
Malcolm said
This is one of the funniest T13s I’ve read in awhile. I wonder how many anti-gay people will read this T13 and say “Right on!”
Sandy M said
My neighbors are same sex partners, and although I still have issues with the marriage thing, they are two of the nicest people I’ve ever known. Good posts though. Hapy TT!
Chelle Y. said
I do not know whether to laugh or shake my head.
Chris said
Malcolm ~ who said it was supposed to be funny?
Sandy M ~ even the hellbound can be pleasant
Chelle Y ~ shake your head and then stone me
Robin said
Damn that was funny, or at least it would be if there weren’t so many ignorant asshats out there who might take it seriously.
marcia v said
I got TMI here OH my LOL
Chris said
Robin ~ yep too many will take it seriously, oh well those that can laugh at things live longer
Marcia ~ need some brain bleach?
Tink said
*LOL* Over here in The Netherlands gay marriage is legal for quite some time already. I haven’t experienced one among my friends yet, but when it does my gift won’t be one from your list…
Thanks for visiting my deity TT.
Chris said
Tink ~ well gee and I did all the hard work for you.
Leave it to the states to be way way behind the rest of the world on everything.
pussreboots said
If they get married in San Francisco, they can coordinate it with the Blessing of the Animals. Then the pig, the sheep and the horse won’t feel left out of the celebrations.
Maddog said
WOW. Now I know exactly what get my gay male friends. Now, do you have any suggestions for the lesbian wedding I’m attending in September. They have all the flannel they need.
Chris said
Pussreboots ~ good idea!
Chris said
Maddog ~ my lesbian coworker said I was too boy focused in this list and asked for some dyke ideas. All I could come up with were cat carriers and u-haul gift cards.
maggies mind said
XTube? There’s an XTube? Oh, my. Thankfully I’ve found your blog and will no longer not know stuff. Or be stumped on gift ideas.
The gerbil thing. Shudder.
Renee said
Ha!
Great list!
Chris said
Maggie ~ yes there’s an xtube and it’s a bunch of fun. Glad I can be here to be your knowledge resource. I shudder at the thought of gerbils or fists really…
Renee ~ Thanks!
dew said
I don’t know you very well, but this list makes me think you’re really pissed off underneath the humor. Nevertheless, I agree with you that laughter is the best medicine. And by the way, my next door neighbors are a straight couple, and even though I’m not so sure I’m cool with that, they’re REALLY NICE.
madhouse6 said
a) congrats on a killer list. loved it.
b) i was laughing all the way until i saw sandy’s post – i really – REALLY – do not understand why people have an issue with gay people having the same rights as anyone else.
geeeze. now i’m fucking annoyed. thanks sandy for killing my buzz… i’m gonna have to go fuck a poodle now just to get back to normal.
Steve Rebooted said
I’m very scared but laughing at the same time!
Chris said
Dew ~ actually I’m not pissed off, marriage is not one of my “issues” I just wanted to do something funny and current. Bryan and I decided years ago that even if it was legal we really didn’t want to go the whole marriage route, 15 yrs later we’re still fine with that decision.
I was just having fun with the stereotypical right wing ideas. I’d watch out for that straight couple, you know that they’ll try and convert you right?
Madhouse ~ a) thanks, I actually had a great time making it. b) well I don’t get it either, but I salute her ability to have a different opinion. It’s like gays in the military – I don’t want to be in the armed forces, but if other queers want to then they should be able to. c) pass the poodle around and we’ll all be back to normal!
Steve ~ I’m amazed that little old me could scare you… Maybe Madhouse will loan you his poodle then you’ll feel better!
MichaelTAdams said
Perfect! I’ve been wondering what to get my sister in law and her “significant other”. Now I know!
You know, it’s never bothered me one way or the other, you want to marry, get married. You want to live with each other, do that. I don’t care. But, not caring does not exclude me from thinking it’s wrong that people aren’t allowed to do what they want. We live in a country that was alledgedly built on freedom, and yet we are restricted from achieving the “basic happiness” that is supposed to be our due. It just makes me kind of sad sometimes.
Now back to my less than serious side, sorry you had to see that!
Chris said
Michael ~ so glad I could help you with your gift giving challenges. You summed up my feelings exactly and you’re welcome to show your serious side around here anytime you like.
Northwest said
This post is a wickedly wonderful and brilliant reminder to all of us to 1. chill and 2. laugh and 3. stop taking stuff so damn seriously.
My reactions ranged from: Gerbils==> nervous laugh and a slight moan, to: Sandy’s allowance that her same-sex neighbors are actually nice people even though she doesn’t want them “married”=> sad smile, followed by deep sigh (and thanks I don’t live in her vicinity).
Chris said
NW ~ stop you’re making me blush… yes, we all need to stop taking things so seriously. It’s easy to forget how lucky we are to be here in gay old Seattle where a same sex couple generates nary a second look. Bryan & I often ask each other why we bother to leave the city when we go out of town. One day at a time, deep breaths and lots of martinis!
Melanie said
I’m with Marcia- TMI!! I need some brain bleach for sure.
Chris said
Melanie ~ lol, on it’s way