13 Ways I Do Not Want to Kick the Bucket
Posted by Chris on 20 March, 2008
It sneaks up on me every week like a mugger in a dark alley, but if that mugger is cute that’s not necessarily a bad thing. One good thing is that if it’s time for the Thursday 13 it means that it’s almost Friday. So dear readers once more we head into that scary abyss known as the Thursday 13 meme. Get to playing, I’m just about tired of doing all the work myself! Now drinking by myself that’s another story for another day…
Like it or not we’re all gonna die, some of us sooner than others. Very few of us will have the opportunity to choose how that will happen, but if allowed the choice here are the top 13 ways I do not want to go.
- Trampled to death by rampaging elephants
- Chewed to death by rabid ferrets
- Stoned to death by religious fundamentalists
- Drawn and quartered by mustangs (the car or the horse honestly)
- Drowned in the toilet by angry midgets
- Fitted with cement shoes and tossed in Lake Union by the gay mafia (yes Virginia, they do exist)
- Using any one of the diet schemes from last week
- Having 10,000 paper cuts administered by a dominatrix
- Infected hair follicles from a badly administered male Brazilian (ouch!)
- Smothered to death during an orgy
- Mistaking a glass of Windex for a nice cool glass of blue Kool-Aid
- Slowly bleeding to death from poorly administered acupuncture
- Falling out of the UFO that abducted me while in flight
maggies mind said
I misread “stoned to death” at first and didn’t think that would be such a bad way to go, but now I get it – stoned as in stones, like rocks. Yes, yes, these would all be just terrible.
Jennifer said
This is great, I especially like the alien abduction one
very creative!!
Lewis said
You can be SO picky. Snivel snivel.
Chris said
Maggies Mind ~ yes there’s a difference between stoned and ~stoned~ one would be much better than the other I think.
Jennifer ~ thanks for stopping by. I plan to hang on tight the next time I’m abducted.
Lewis ~ I’d bitch if I were hung with a new rope
MichaelTAdams said
Well, I misread do NOT want to go, and replaced it in my head with DO want to go. I thought you were very strange for a minute or two. No. I still think your strange, probably why I like it here. Have a great Thursday!
Chris said
Michael ~ an easy mistake to make around here, and yes I am very strange.
Steve said
bwahahahahah @ drowned in the toilet by angry midgets!”
Christopher said
If I was FORCED to choose one way to go from this here list, I’d definitely choose getting smothered during an orgy…at least I’d go happy.
Chris said
Steve ~ well them midgets do get riled up!
Christopher ~ yes, the orgy is the least worrysome in my opinion as well
Patty said
This made me giggle, could be that I am tired though
pjazzypar said
You hit on all the ways I don’t want to kick the bucket. Some of them were actually pretty funny, but then I have a morbid sense of humor. Thanks for visiting me and have a happy TT.
chapheng said
Good list. I agree with you – awful ways to go. Which is the right way? Ha – maybe that’s next week’s TT!
Wacky Mommy said
Oh. My God. You’re funny!
Chris said
Patty ~ either way, glad you giggled.
Pjazzypar ~ I like a morbid sense of humor as you might have guessed
Chapheng ~ not sure there is a right way either
Wacky Mommy ~ thanks!
Hazelnut said
So now that we know 13 ways you don’t want to die, do you have 13 ways you would want to die? Just wondering…
Chelle Y. said
Those would be pretty bad ways “to go.”
Jayne said
Oh my..whole new things to worry about!
Chris said
Hazelnut ~ I want to wake up dead one day!
Chelle Y ~ is there a good way though?
Jayne ~ lol, sorry to stress you out!
Ashley Ladd said
LOLOL.
Being smothered to death in an orgy wouldn’t be too bad of a way to go…
Seriously, no way to go is good. I want to die in my sleep without any pain or fear.
Chris said
Ashley Ladd ~ I agree no way is a “good” way to go, but some are better than others I suppose.
Natalie said
ewwwwwwww, some i would have never thought of and now will have trouble erasing from my mind! (aka, the hair folicles from the male brazilian! ewwwwwwwwwww again!)
Chris said
Natalie ~ care for some bleach for your mind?
Amanda said
None of these sound very pleasant. However I think you would know you were drinking windex before it ever hit your lips!
Chris said
Amanda ~ I would hope I would know, but sometimes I’m just not paying attention…
Lara said
oh! We have the same fears!! Imagine that! The Elephants…the midgets…the aliens! Oh the fear!! lol…..! I’ve always been worried about earwigs sucking my brains out of my head (what little there is…)!
Great TT!
Chris said
Lara ~ great, thanks now a new fear the damn earwigs!