13 ways to lose weight quickly and efficiently

Yep, believe it or not it is once again time for the Thursday 13. Join the crowd, submit to peer pressure and create your own list of 13 items today!

Spring is almost here and soon it will be swim suit season. Tired of hearing laughs, snickers and taunts of heifer, beached whale and porky pig every time you leave the house? Well then you need to tell your mom to be nicer to you and it’s also time to start thinking about shedding a few of those extra pounds so you can show off the slim, slender, sexy you. Disclaimer: some of these weight loss methods have been know to cause diarrhea, explosive flatulence, blindness, male pattern balding, sterility, senility, multiple births, spontaneous sex changes, poverty, miscarriages, body odor, anal leakage and death. Granted, if you’re dead you’re not getting any fatter, but I’m not sure death is exactly the solution you’re looking for.

1. Staple your lips together for 2 weeks
2. Go on the Brussels Sprouts diet - all you can eat 24hrs a day for a month
3. Develop a crack or meth habit - watch the pounds melt off
4. Try the pebble diet - twice a day swallow 5 pounds of pebbles to keep your stomach full
5. Have a loved one put you in a box and bury you alive for 2 weeks
6. Drink only water out of puddles for a week, hope for Beaver Fever
7. Good old fashioned finger down the throat
8. Eat only “kittie roca” for three days
9. As long as it’s hot pink in color you can eat as much as you want, as often as you want
10. Peeps, peeps and more peeps
11. Turnip juice diet - you must hand juice the turnips, but you can drink as much as you want
12. Start smoking - around 3 packs per day will cause the pounds to melt off
13. Wrap yourself in a roll of Saran Wrap and sit in a dry sauna for 27 hours

I hope one of these ideas helps you lose the weight that you’re looking to lose. For obvious reasons those of us here at My 2 Cents can’t be held responsible for any adverse side affects including death. We advise that you consult your doctor if you lose more than 85% of your current body weight in a 24 hour period.

Good luck with your weight loss goals!