13 Resolutions for 2008
Posted by Chris on 3 January, 2008
What’s that I hear? It’s time for the infamous Thursday 13 yet again? Join in on the fun or just remain a lonely doofus that we all point and laugh at! Here are my top 13 resolutions for the new year of 2008.
- Quit putting videos of my “special time” up on YouTube – no one wants to see that!
- No more making photocopies of my ass and “forgetting” them in the copy machine
- No more taking the lunches out of the fridge at work and throwing them away
- Try to cut back on the amount of crack I smoke at work
- Quit making meth in my bathroom
- Share the vodka that’s in my desk drawer with my co-workers
- No more donkey punching the receptionist at work
- No more drugging up hookers and leaving them for dead in the hills outside town
- If I’m going to wear skin tight jeans I need to wear underwear – moose knuckle is not my friend
- No more combovers
- Pee in the toilet, not on the floor or the wall
- Only go to the strip clubs three nights a week
- Quit duct-taping the mouths of crying children when out in public
Michael said
But none of those sound like any fun at all. Except for 3. I would eat them instead, probably cause I had the munchies. Other then that, I love the list. As for 13, I recommend sticking to this resolution by using superglue instead. It’s harder for them to get off.
Chris said
Oooh, superglue is a much better idea and more permanent!
The Gal Herself said
Now re: #5 — is that your bathroom at work or your bathroom at home? I can understand not whipping up a batch of meth at work. It’s not only dangerous, you may find yourself having to share the proceeds of any sales. But to walk away from it completely … seems a little reckless to me as we approach a recession. Making and selling meth HAS to be more lucrative in a depressed economy than folding sweaters at the mall, delivering papers, or any other second job you could land.
Thanks for visiting my TT.
dianabartling said
Thank you for reforming your life in 2008!
Penelope Anne said
Your list seriously had me laughing my ass off, and I have an ample ass to laugh off.
Duct taping children’s mouths I need to remember that.
Chris said
TGH – was thinking the bathroom at home, but your points are well made. Delivering papers would be much harder than cooking meth so maybe I should just keep at it.
Dianabartling – glad to make myself better one step at a time.
Penelope Anne – not sure about the legal ramifications of this plan, but I still like it. Bet we could get a good deal on a bulk pallet of duct tape at Costco.
Kelly said
LOL! This is hilarious (it is SUPPOSED to be funny, right??). They really are all good resolutions!
Minkydo said
roflol. Love this list. Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier
justmaddi said
Now why would you want to share the vodka??
Loved your list. Thanks for visiting mine!
marnini said
I was worried at first and thought Whoa! But eventually I caught on and found it very funny.
Thanks for visiting my blog
Lori said
Hmm, for a second there I thought I had stumbled upon Britney Spears’ list . . . (smile)
Rach said
Hi Chris. This is a really funny list.
Thanks for visiting. Have a great 2008!
nicholas said
Hang on now! No need to go overboard. Why not take it slowly, and maybe do them one at a time, spread out over the whole year, so hey are not too much of a shock to the system.
Chris said
That’s a great idea Nicholas, wouldn’t want to over stimulate myself!
damozel said
Ah, you’ll be no fun anymore…
thanks for visiting ours!