Mystery Topic Challenge: Favorite Holiday Traditions

What’s that behind you? Are those sleigh bells you hear? Did you see something? I think it was wearing red…could it be the Christmas Ninja? Happy Holidays from the BlogNinjas. They are the crazy Internet group behind the MTC. The members rock the blogosphere in varying degrees, and can sneak up behind you in a moments notice. You can join the clandestine group after undergoing a severe and heavily scrutinized Blog Ninja review that verifies your actual existence and BN worthiness (basically, we read your blog). Post an entry, vote, maybe win, and you may be selecting the next topic. It’s like a blog party.

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I have several favorite holiday traditions. Mostly they center around my large and rather eccentric family.

1. Those of us who can gather together do so at my cousin’s place. There’s always the odd duck out that can’t join in the group celebration for one reason or another. Last year it was Cousin Dale, seems that the sentence of 18 months in county jail for shaving cats and using their fur to create fake ermine coats that he then sold on ebay is more important than family togetherness. This year we’ll have to do without Aunt Dora, she still hasn’t come out of her coma. The doctor thinks that she may be brain dead, after all she did drink that entire keg of Schlitz by herself at the Fourth of July BBQ.

2. Christmas carols are an important tradition in my family. One of my cousins will grab a banjo and someone else will grab a jug and they’re off playing all the favorites. Once everyone gets warmed up vocally, we head out through the trailer park, stopping at each door to sing a song or two. The neighbors will often join in and then offer us some holiday cheer to keep our vocal chords loose and to help improve our singing.

3. The gift exchange on Christmas morning has long been my favorite part of the holiday season. The excited squeals of the kids when they open up their Wal-Mart bags to find a new pair of shoes is sure fun. The adults generally are satisfied with a six pack of Schlitz and a pack of smokes, but every few years we hit the jackpot if Uncle Leroy isn’t on the run from the law. He’ll cook up a big batch of meth right before the big day and us grown-ups will bliss out while the kids try on their new sneakers.

4. Our Christmas feast is done potluck style, with each member of the family bringing their own specialty to the holiday feast table. There will be ham with pineapple rings and maraschino cherries, mashed potatoes fresh out of the box, a green jello mold with carrots and raisins, lima beans and hominy and mock apple pie. Since it’s a special day the kids get Tang instead of water and the adults all drink Schlitz out of a jelly jar.

5. Hands down, my favorite Christmas tradition is the annual Hooker Hunt. All the single guys go down to the truck stop and hire a hooker for the evening. If the trailer’s a rockin’ don’t come knockin’. Uncle Delray used to sneak along with us until Aunt SueEllen caught him two years ago. She smacked him upside the head with a frying pan, he’s fine except for seeing double and being able to tune in radio stations on his fillings now.

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